This blast fax from "Ortiz for Congress" is a Save the Date for literally nothing. Apparently we are "Cordially invited to join..." the state of Texas? Why thank you, I was just there three weeks ago at Whole Foods in Austin! Unless you are going to pay for my airfare and hotel, I am afraid I've joined Texas for as long as I can this fall. How about I cordially invite Texas to join me? After all, that would be more convenient (I believe we can make room for Texas if West VA would get off our jock).
What's up with the rogue 7 and N? Why is the N underlined? Is this a Sesame Street blast fax? "This democrat has been brought to you by the number 7 and the letter N." This conservative-ish girl gives you kudos for promoting literacy, but has some concerns about cryptic faxes. You want me to contribute, I got that part, but to what? I am unsure and this concerns me because suppose I am contributing to the "let teenagers drive early" campaign. I certainly cannot advocate for that, but on the other hand... Would happily donate to the "strip licenses from smug soccer moms who drive 20mph under the speed limit" campaign. Those smug women with their "baby on board" placards. As if that $2.95 piece of novelty plastic actually provides some protection against a car accident. How vain are you that you think a bunch of crazed drivers are going to target you for a fatal accident unless you make it clear your VIP infant is in the vehicle? I managed to have an infant without the sign and he grew into a wonderful, hyper first grader...
In all seriousness though, the democrats are trying to rally their base to get out there and vote. They are being, or so I thought, on guard to dot every i and cross every t. Except Ortiz in Texas (apparently he doesn't need presentation, he's got this election locked down). I Googled him, because frankly, it's not like he's a Senator. I had no clue who he is. Wrong party, wrong district. Of course he's in far South Texas... So yeah, given he's a Democrat named Ortiz, the election is pretty much a formality. This guy is going to win. That's not a racist implication because it's a solidly Hispanic district which is also pretty solid blue... Given the Republican opponent is "R Blake Farenthold", I would pick Ortiz too!Because R Blake Farenthold is a pretty Douche-Bag kind of name and definitely doesn't sound like he comes from South Texas (no, it sounds more like he comes from SNOBville). If you don't understand South Texas or it's culture, why should South Texas elect you?
(Yeah, it turns out "R Blake Farenthold" is a radio DJ for some talk station but he LOOKS like a wall street fat cat. Looks shouldn't matter, but they do. Especially when you look like a fat banker from the 1920's.)
However, Solomon Ortiz shouldn't rest on the fact that he's pretty much the winner. Either he has the worst blast-fax company ever or the worst campaign management in Washington DC ever. It doesn't look good. Compared to the 500 other faxes we got that actually made sense, Ortiz is definitely not someone I would have my eye on if I worked in PAC. Incidentally, I don't work in PAC because I have zero charisma and foot-in-mouth syndrome. I am (rightfully) stashed in some corner of the building where I can be weird without disturbing the cool kids. But if I wasn't, what motivation do I have to contribute to a campaign that isn't even organized enough to send out a coherent fax? Sure it added comedic value to our day here (and about 3 days of giggles for me), but the fax offered zero usable information.
In the end, it doesn't matter that Ortiz has clowns working for him. Which is a good thing. Because that means someday, there's a possibility people will elect me to Congress where I can argue and complain while getting paid. Unlike being a lawyer, where I have to make an intelligent argument, Congress can call Elmo to testify or a comedian to put on a show. My lack of substance or facts in some of my arguments wouldn't matter. And come campaign time, I just have to be a rockstar to my base and not have claimed to be a witch or against masturbation at one point (I'm looking at you, Christine O'Donnell). Or I could be like Nancy Pelosi and run in an area that's so one sided... I could be an evil, angry, crazy old woman to everyone and still get elected. Zing.
My personal politics aren't even relevant. Because they are boring. I am registered to vote. I will. And it won't be for Pelosi, O'Donnell, or Ortiz... Because... My district is in Northern VA and it's comparatively boring.