Anytime I have a day off and Anthony is at work, there's great concern. What is Rachel going to get into? Everyone seems soooo interested in what I am doing (probably for fear of property damage). Sure, there's a chance I might kidnap a squirrel and dress him in tiny armor, but I would call that a slight risk (big risk) at best. Leaving me at home with any sort of chocolate is likely a horrible idea, even worse if I have a lot of TV gluttony stored on my DVR. Adding sugar to my shenanigans usually results in me dyeing frosting red and making a "bloody eyeball cake". Or worse. When I am Home Alone, productivity is replaced with bizarre things I always wanted to do as a kid but wasn't allowed.
I am proud to state that I have been very well behaved today (even though it's a lie). Took out the trash. Hung out with my sheep and watched some SNL on Hulu. Also came up with own skit involving crazy neighbor impersonation. Was ideally behaved (ideal meaning WEIRD) and nothing unusual (I plead: OPPOSITE DAY!) at all about today:
The beer? So not mine! Marshmallows? Well, those are obviously the sheep's vice. I'm telling you, I was not involved with any of that madness at all (i was). I took out the trash (The beer bottles)! And, I didn't lay around the house *all* day today. I promise. Instead, I gave nature the front seat to my day:
Sir Nuts the Squirrel. I might take his dignity... but I'll never take... HIS FREEDOMM!!! Frankly, after week 5 of football, I think several teams could learn something from Sir Nuts. He's a brave soldier from the Roman era... He goes into battle boldly (and unwillingly because getting a good shot of him was really hard). What might have happened if the Dallas Cowboys were more like Sir Nuts? I'll tell you, they'd be really fast and camera shy. Probably winning them the game but making for a difficult highlight reel.
I must say, Sir Nuts truly did not understand the value of body armor today. It was up to me to persuade him. Fully expecting Peta to come running with pitchforks and what not...
Finally, Sir Nuts and I came to terms today. He realized I would not back down from getting my photo... And I found entertainment by going to Taco Bell and giving the day shift the business.
"You don't have unsweetened Iced Tea? Do you have anything that DOESN'T taste like sugar??"
"WTF, LADY! Diet soda still tastes like sugar! You trying to give me cancer you terrorist?!??!"
"I came here for fats and salts, not sugar. I'm totally okay with consuming an entire days worth of calories but don't you dare ask me to drink soda!"
I probably should get up and do something productive while Anthony is still at work. So to avoid the lecture that will undoubtedly follow and be well deserved. FYI, Rachel's day off is a lot lazier than Ferris'. There are no sports car drives to downtown Chicago but have no fear... A wild ride to Burke Taco Bell in a Dodge Neon is WAY cooler, right?