Yesterday, my thrill seeking brother in law, husband and I all sought out a tubing expedition in the Shenandoah river. What could be better than river algae on a Sunday? Those of you who know me, are aware of how I feel about fish touching me in a natural body of water. To put it mildly, I often take to shrieking. Despite sea plants all up on my business and fish eating my feet, it was a fun adventure. Basically I sat on an air filled donut for three miles of river getting stuck in various places and falling off from time to time. My giant, beached whale of a body also seemed to "sink" half the tube so I was practically in the water at all times.
Did you know that for $18 per person you can get on a bus called "Deliverance" and ride a little floatie in a large mountain river? (When in the middle of nowhere, the "Deliverance" reference is NOT funny) There's like this entire subculture of tubing people in Virginia. While most of them are intoxicated, they seem pleasant enough. Aside from the skinny tattoo boys laughing at my mom bathing suit and fat thighs. Gee, I am sorry, I forgot to starve myself until I resemble a fifteen year old girl before I came. Silly me. The downfall of aquatic activities is that I have constant reminders of where I fail in life (not looking like a teenage girl). This 'tubing adventure' is like a huge thing for people, some actually travel long distances to float around in the river that's like 90 minutes from Metro DC. Weird.
I am proud I went too. I mean, yeah it's redneck, but I rarely agree to go places that involve nature. Who knows what those fish are going to do? Speaking of fish, I swear I almost stabbed a bass with a plastic knife. Sorry but that bass was out of control. Kept poking my butt. I felt violated. I am sure you Peta folk or nature folk feel I was unfairly trying to murder a bass, but honestly, I am horrible at stabbing fish. You need not worry. The bass swam away, intact. I swear, as he did, he poked my butt (stuck in the donut of the tube) again for good measure. Stupid fish. Then there were these really creepy minnows that latched onto your skin, eating you alive! Well, maybe not eating you alive, but trying. Where do these fish get off trying to eat humans?
Now it's back to work Monday. I made a cake for my August birthday co-workers with a pooping sheep on it. After all, creativity is my strong point. And who doesn't love using brown jelly beans as fecal matter? However, it must be said, huge thumbs down for pre-made decorative frosting. I'm sticking to butter cream.